From Battle Buddy To Suicide Understanding The Darkest Thoug

and I were very, very close. She saved my life twice. What's a battle buddy do to save your life? Anybody who's willing to save your life, that's a battle buddy. Next question. That's a great question. Here's what I've seen. We used to call it the The question was this, explain that what we call is the path to extinction, how we're becoming extinct, how that happened, the whole suicide taking your own life thing. It's rarely something that just all of a sudden one day pops up. I mean, yeah, you might have some fleeting thoughts every now and then, like, what if I put my car into a pylon? Don't tell me you haven't thought it, because I know you have. All this kind of stuff, all normal. Not good, but it happens. Now, all of a sudden, life starts going a little bit bad. Losing your job, feeling that discrimination. Go to court, you're gonna get hosed in the court if you're a war fighter of PTSD. Bottom line, that's what happens. Okay, you go through all these things, and so there's gonna be life issues that really feel like they're unsurmountable. Because how do you, they just feel unsurmountable in the moment. And then usually it's the breaking of that last tie that says your identity is okay, which is usually a spouse, a girlfriend, boyfriend, someone you're gonna care for. They basically say, hey, I'm done with you. And now you're just free floating. You got nothing to hang on to. And every message has been, the world's going to be better off without you because I don't even want to be around you. So that's kind of what happens. It's little tiny chops. And then all of a sudden, you can't see anything. You can't get outside of yourself. And you really think the world's going to be. I put a gun to my head. And I remember when I did. It was mainly the drug. I really believe it was propagated by the drugs. Because when you're on the drugs, when you're on all the psych meds and everything, you really want to correct the fucked up things in your life. But you can't get your shit together enough to correct the fucked up things in your life. And then you go to the doctor and the doctor says, well, why don't you try this drug on top of those drugs? Maybe then you can correct the fucked up shit in your life. And it just becomes that cycle. And as far as I'm concerned, it either, that leading to suicide is just so easy. It's so easy to make you kill yourself when you don't have a sense of self-preservation. And that's what those drugs do a lot of times. Because they're supposed to stop you from having the impulse to hurt yourself. But the problem is, when you're already committed to hurting yourself, then it stops the impulse to stop you from hurting yourself. Because it's stopping the impulse. And so you just roll with it. The only reason I didn't pull my trigger is because I was like, why don't I want to stop? I found that so interesting. Why don't I want to stop? Why don't I have a sense of self-preservation? It makes no sense. And the curiosity kind of kept me going about it because I intellectualize everything. But, yeah, I'm real sexy that way.